The first few weeks with a newborn are a whirlwind of emotions. While breastfeeding is often portrayed as a natural, seamless process, the reality for many moms is quite different. One of the most heart-wrenching moments is when your newborn baby won’t stay latched on and cries at the breast.
If you are going through this, please know: You are not doing anything wrong. Breastfeeding is a team sport that requires practice from both you and your baby. When a baby struggles to latch, they aren’t rejecting you; they are likely frustrated by a physical or sensory challenge. In this guide, we’ll explore why this happens and provide actionable tips to turn nursing sessions from stressful to soothing.
Why Is My Newborn Crying and Pulling Away?
Before jumping into the solutions, it’s important to understand the “why.” According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), several factors can interfere with a successful latch:
- Fast Let-Down Reflex: If your milk sprays out too forcefully, the baby may gag or pull away to protect their airway.
- Slow Milk Flow: Conversely, if the milk doesn’t come fast enough, a hungry newborn may lose patience and cry.
- Anatomical Issues: Conditions like tongue-tie or lip-tie can make it physically impossible for a baby to maintain a deep latch. You can read more about identifying these symptoms on Mayo Clinic’s guide to tongue-tie.
- Over-tiredness: A baby who has passed their “sleep window” will be too frantic to focus on feeding.
- Engorgement: When your breasts are too full, the nipple flattens out, making it hard for the baby to get a good grip.
For more foundational advice on starting your journey, check out our comprehensive breastfeeding tips for new moms.
5 Tips to Calm a Crying Baby During Breastfeeding
When your baby is screaming at the breast, the primary goal isn’t just “feeding”—it’s regulation. A crying baby cannot latch effectively. Use these five strategies to reset the moment.
1. Prioritize Skin-to-Skin Contact
In the USA, pediatricians often refer to the “Golden Hour,” but skin-to-skin shouldn’t stop at the hospital. If your baby is frantic, strip them down to their diaper and place them against your bare chest.
This contact regulates the baby’s body temperature, heart rate, and stress hormones (cortisol). It also triggers the release of oxytocin in you, which helps with milk let-down. Often, after 10–15 minutes of snuggling, a baby will naturally start “rooting” and latch on their own without the pressure of being “held” in a nursing position.
2. Try the “Laid-Back” Nursing Position (Biological Nurturing)
Most moms start with the “Cradle Hold,” but this can sometimes feel restrictive for a fussy baby. The Laid-Back position involves you reclining at a 45-degree angle with the baby lying tummy-down on your body.
In this position, gravity helps the baby stay in place, and their natural reflexes (like the stepping reflex) help them find the nipple and latch deeply. It is particularly helpful if you have a fast let-down, as the baby is “on top” of the milk flow rather than having it pour down their throat.
3. Soften the Areola Before Latching
If your breasts feel like hard bricks (engorgement), your baby will “slip” off the nipple like a tire on ice. This leads to frustrated crying.
Use a technique called Reverse Pressure Softening or hand-express a little milk before bringing the baby to the breast. By softening the area around the nipple, the baby can take more breast tissue into their mouth, ensuring a stable, pain-free latch.
4. The “Switch and Swaddle” Technique
Sometimes, a baby cries because they are overstimulated by their own flailing arms. Try a “half-swaddle” where their arms are tucked in but their legs are free.
Additionally, if the baby is crying on the left side, don’t force it. Switch sides. Sometimes a slight ear infection, a birth-related neck soreness (torticollis), or even just a preference for a specific flow rate makes one side easier than the other. Resetting on the opposite breast can break the cycle of frustration.
5. Use “The Sandwich Hold”
To help your baby get a deep latch, use your hand to compress your breast tissue into a “C” or “U” shape—imagine you are squishing a sandwich to take a big bite. Aim the nipple toward the baby’s nose, not their mouth. When they open wide like a big yawn, “roll” the breast into their mouth. A deeper latch means less slipping and less crying.
Establishing Trust: When to See a Professional
While the tips above work for many, E-E-A-T (Expertise, Experience, Authoritativeness, and Trustworthiness) is vital when dealing with infant health. If your newborn baby won’t stay latched on and cries consistently, you should monitor for the following:
- Weight Gain: Is the baby meeting their growth milestones?
- Diaper Count: Are there at least 6–8 wet diapers in a 24-hour period?
- Pain: Is breastfeeding causing you significant pain or cracked nipples?
If you notice issues in these areas, contact an IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant). They are the gold standard in the USA for breastfeeding support. Organizations like the Lactation Consultant Association can help you find local experts.
Common Myths vs. Reality
| Myth | Reality |
| “Crying means I have no milk.” | Crying is usually a sign of frustration with the process, not the quantity. |
| “If they don’t latch now, they never will.” | Latching improves as the baby’s mouth grows and their neck muscles strengthen. |
| “Formula is the only solution.” | While formula is a valid tool, many latch issues can be solved with positioning and patience. |
Final Thoughts for the Exhausted Mom
Watching your baby cry while you’re trying to nourish them is exhausting. It triggers a physical stress response in your body. If a session is going poorly, it is okay to stop, calm the baby (or have a partner calm the baby), and try again in 20 minutes.
Breastfeeding is not an “all or nothing” game. Every drop of colostrum and milk you provide is beneficial. By staying patient and using the right techniques, you and your baby will find your rhythm.
For more support on understanding your baby’s needs, don’t forget to read our guide on breastfeeding tips for new moms.